From Mono to Role Modeling: A Cautionary Well-Being Tale
By Mike Wojtaszewski | Learning Program Manager
I’m what you’d describe as . . . high energy.
While I’m sure that’s not a surprise to those who know me, this super power (that’s what I call it) is two-sided. On one hand, it makes me good at what I do. I can juggle multiple projects, social engagements, hobbies, and more with all the energy of the Energizer bunny. But on the other hand, I don’t stop—ever. I drive myself into the ground to the point of having to then drive myself to the doctor's office. The worst was in 2019.
I traveled often for a previous job, but it wasn’t the kind of travel that you enjoy. You fly in one night, do your thing the next day, and fly back that night. Jet lag, combined with wanting to prove myself in this position and support the educators who I was sent to help, quickly wore me out. Over the course of months, I continued to exhaust myself. I gave up hours of sleep to work. I traded social engagements for work opportunities. I moved into and organized my new home. And I slayed the weight bench. But it caught up to me in an aggressive way.
One day, I started to feel tired, but it was a different kind of tired. Over the course of a few days, it got worse and the glands in my neck began to swell. But, you know me, I pushed through it. A few days later, I taught a fitness class and almost vomited. I wasn’t connecting the dots and figured I just needed another twenty-three-minute power nap.
Several days later, on a Sunday morning, I was preparing to go to brunch with my family when I noticed that the glands in my neck were so swollen that they were sticking out of my neck. I walked into the restaurant and my mom took one look at me and said, “Oh my gosh, you need to go to the doctor’s immediately. Your neck is lumpy.” Naturally, I had chocolate chip pancakes first and then went.
Turns out, I had mono. I asked the doctor what else it could be. He said, “Um, mono.” Okay, I know what you’re thinking, and, NO, it wasn’t because of that. But I was so sick that the doctor took multiple vials of blood thinking I had lymph node cancer.
They gave me meds to help and I was told to rest. I said “Sorry, I don’t understand.” He said, “No working out. Just sit.” Apparently your spleen enlarges when you have mono and it can burst on impact, which was likely why I felt nauseous teaching the last fitness class. I did my best, honestly, despite leaving for southern China for work just 4 days later. It was November 2019.
Of course, I still worked during my recovery. But it was rough. I teach an MMA and weightlifting fitness class through which I talk the whole time. Yet walking up the stairs with my laundry basket was exhausting and required me to sit on the couch for thirty minutes to recover. I felt physically weak and mentally trapped. I knew what I wanted to do, but my body was literally broken.
Several weeks later, I felt better and returned to my life and working out. Over the next four months, I went to the doctor six times with odd illnesses, until they finally retested me for mono. The doctor came back with the same news—the tests were still indicating a recent mono infection.
She looked me square in the eye and said, “You need to go to an infectious disease doctor—this is not normal. If you choose not to go, you must start quarantining yourself and just rest.” This time, it began to really sink in. I’m not letting myself get better. I’m actively destroying my immune system. Why am I doing this? FOMO? Billable hours? To make matters worse, COVID-19 was ramping up and I was classified as immunocompromised. I began “quarantining” in the middle of February 2020, and over the course of nearly two months, I finally fully recovered. But it was only because the entire freaking world paused that I was able to recover.
Look, “go, go, go” is in my nature. Ever since I was a child, my mom said I would expend every bit of energy I had—which was, and is, a lot—then crash. Rinse and repeat. But culture plays a huge role here too. Our culture values busyness and exhaustion over rest, making it dang hard to detach and recover. Somehow, if you’re busy and tired, you’re successful and valuable.
Here’s a little secret: the more you can protect your detachment and recovery time, the better you can show up in all areas of your life. To put it another way, you have to say “no” to competing priorities so that you can say “yes” to your priorities.
In my current role as a team manager and designer, it’s ever more important to understand the impact of detachment and recovery. I’m no longer just responsible for my own well-being. At Studio 5, we show up as our full selves. Yes, the self we are when in our personal lives, with our friends, with our families, with our dogs and cats, and the self that has both good and bad days. Now, I must consider the team I support and the impact that the work and my decisions have on their mental health and well-being. I must model what it means to detach and recover and address the factors that detract from their well-being.
Ironically, I never realized how much this topic means to me until recently. I wish I could say something super profound, like it came to me on a moonlit walk on the beach and suddenly my behavior changed (a beach walk sounds great right about now). Nope, that didn’t happen. I even made “rest” my focus for 2022, but that isn’t where my passion for this topic suddenly developed. It wasn’t until I started reflecting on writing this blog post that I realized how horribly I’ve addressed my own well-being for years and how much it’s impacted me. The more I thought about this topic, the more I realized I’m the furthest thing from being the poster child. Yet, there’s something about this topic of well-being that is compelling me to learn more and “just do better.” (“Just do better” is my life’s motto, by the way.)
We’re just three months into this year, and I’ll honestly admit that I’m not doing a great job of resting and detaching. But, I’m getting there—wherever “there” is. One trick I’ve learned when teaching fitness classes is to intentionally coach the thing you continuously mess up. When you coach, you intentionally model it. Here is my attempt at that. I’ve learned a few things already, and I wanted to share them with you in case you find them helpful.
Your method of detachment and recovery is different from mine. We each have our own unique preferences for how we support our own well-being. I find detachment in fitness. There’s nothing quite like putting on a pair of earbuds, turning on some EDM, picking up a heavy weight, and sweating. I let my mind wander and process the day. That may not work for you. Maybe you enjoy reading, cooking, drawing, or some other activity. That’s okay! Recognize that we all detach and recover differently and your personal preference may even change over time.
Give yourself grace. Behavior change is tough. It takes time and, in some cases, can be painful. In fact, Brené Brown calls it the FFT (I’ll let you discover this one on your own). It’s okay to fall back into your old behaviors. It’s okay to realize your behaviors are misaligned to your goals. There will be times when you’re busier than others—maybe it’s a peak season, the holidays, or a culmination of priorities. That’s life! In fact, detaching and recovering can help you show up as your best self during those times. Try different things and, if you lead a team, model these behaviors. And, when you mess up, refocus and get back to it. After all, you’re human.
Surround yourself with like-minded people. If that’s not possible, guard your ears. Not everyone believes the same things about well-being. I’m from the East Coast, and Studio 5 is a West Coast company. I’ve observed extreme differences in how each coast views the pace of life and what is okay to chat about in the workplace. When I’m back on the East Coast, I find I take on the busy mentality of those around me. “Oh you’re working late? I guess I will too.” When possible, surround yourself with others whose well-being beliefs align with yours. When that’s not possible, recognize when you shift from your baseline beliefs and, if necessary, cover your ears! 🙉
I encourage you to try something different this year, whether it’s that vacation you’ve been wanting to take or that walk you wish you took during the lunch hour you never take. While you’ll likely not experience a four-month bout with mono, imagine how your own well-being might benefit from intentionally detaching and recovering. It could make all the difference.